Theory Development Paper

Why women go to the bathroom in pairs?

Theory Development Paper

Paige Brizak

Rutgers University

When women are in public places like a bar or restaurant or even a concert, it is most synonymous to see them going to the bathroom in pairs. Men, and sometimes even other women, have wondered about this phenomenon and why it exists today. They wonder why when women are out in public they cannot seem to take a trip to the rest room by their self and always bring a friend with them, even if that friend is not in need of the facilities. Taking a look at different communication theories one can come to an understanding about why this phenomenon, women going to the bathroom in pairs, takes place. Using the Coordinated Management of Meaning theory (CMM), the Social Penetration theory, and the Symbolic Interaction theory, one can assume the reason behind why this behavior has come into common practice.

The Coordinated Management of Meaning theory (CMM) refers to how individuals who are communicating, construct the meaning of their conversation while establishing rules for interpreting the meaning. In order to understand this theory there are three assumptions that must be known. The first is that human beings live in communication. This means that we are always communicating with one another and disclosing information. The second is that human beings co-create a social reality. When someone co-creates their social reality in conversations it is called social construction which requires an understanding of social reality; a person’s beliefs about how meaning and action fit within an interpersonal interaction. The last and final assumption states that information transactions depend on personal and interpersonal meaning. Personal meaning is the meaning achieved when a person brings their unique experiences to an interaction while interpersonal meaning is the result when two people agree on each other’s interpretations of an interaction. Along with personal and interpersonal meaning there is also denotative and connotative meaning. Denotative meaning is the literal dictionary meaning while connotative is an emotional connection with that word. Since humans organize meaning in a hierarchical manner, a core aspect of CMM is the Hierarchy of Organized Meaning. This includes the content (the message itself), speech acts (actions performed by speaking; questioning or complimenting), episodes (collection of speech acts with a beginning, middle, and end), relationship (agreement and understanding between two people), life scripts (clusters of past or present relationships that create a system of meanings with others), and lastly cultural patterns (images of the world and a person’s relationship to it.)

When looking at the CMM theory there are multiple different aspects of it that relate to the phenomena at hand. First is the denotative and connotative meaning of women going to the bathroom in pairs. The denotative meaning of asking another to come to the bathroom literally means will you come to the bathroom with me, while the connotative meaning is very different. Women may be emotionally connected to that specific phrase because they know that every time their friend says that, there is a creep they need to get away from and can only do so by going to the bathroom. Another example could be that they have to tell the other something about someone and cannot say it front of the group they may be with. They could also associate that word with their friend not wanting to stand in line waiting for the bathroom by their self and insinuating they want company. There are multiple connotative meanings of this phrase and practice that can be taken into account and each depends on the individual’s personal meaning, which relates back to the third assumption of this theory. Since people live their lives filled with meaning they are always managing those meanings and there is always personal meaning attached. This is achieved when every woman brings their unique personal experiences to their interactions with others. They may know that every time they voice they have to use the restroom when they are out in public that their friend goes with them, so when their friend voices the same thing they automatically assume their friend wants them to go with as well. This all ultimately leads to the other aspect of the third assumption, the interpersonal meaning. The two women then make an agreement that each time one of them uses the restroom while out that the other follows whether or not they have to go. This interpersonal meaning is not out rightly voiced but rather something that they nonverbally agreed upon due to their life scripts. It is just something that women have grown to know.

The Social Penetration theory is the process of bonding that moves a relationship from superficial to more intimate. This theory makes assumptions that relationships progress from nonintimate to intimate and that self-disclosure is at the core of relationship development. Relational development is generally systematic and predictable and includes depenetration and dissolutions. Even though these relationships are dynamic and every changing, they follow a pattern of development. First is orientation, the stage of revealing small parts of ourselves. The second is exploratory affective exchange which is the emergence of our personality to others. Next is the affective stage, penetration that is spontaneous and quite comfortable for relational patterns. This stage includes the use of personal idioms or private, intimate expression states in a relationship. The last and final stage is the stable exchange stage, this results in complete openness and spontaneity for relational partners. In this stage there is dyadic uniqueness, or distinctive relationship qualities such as humor and sarcasm. Reciprocity, the return of openness from one person to another, is important in this theory especially since it is associated with increased satisfaction and perceptions of equality.

The first assumption of the Social Penetration theory deals with disclosure, which is important when taking this theory into account. Since women go to the bathroom in pairs, much of their disclosure happens there. That is when they tell each other the information they cannot say in front of others and automatically know that what is said in the bathroom is sacred between the two. When looking at the pattern of development in relationships, it is important to understand that this particular phenomena starts with the orientation stage as young girls. In this stage young girls voice that they want a friend to go to the bathroom with them which is when the buddy system goes into effect. As young girls age and continue through the steps of the development in relationships, they realize the buddy system has grown to be the norm when women are in public places and need to use the restroom. This buddy system is what has allowed them to continue through the steps in developing relationships and allows them the comfort of their reciprocity and disclosure.

The last and final theory needed in order to understand the phenomena, why women go to the bathroom in pairs is the Symbolic Interaction theory. This theory centers on the relationship between symbols and interactions between people using these symbols. Essentially, humans create symbolic worlds and these worlds shape human behavior. This theory makes assumptions that humans act toward others on the basis of the meanings those others have for them. Meaning is also created in interaction between people and meaning is modified through an interpretive process. Self-concept, a relatively stable set of perceptions people hold about themselves, is important when talking about this theory. Self-concept suggests that individuals develop self-concepts through interaction with others as well as provide important motive for behaviors. The relationship between individuals and society is important as well and suggest that people and groups are influenced by culture and social processes and social structure is worked out through social interaction. The last and final important aspects of this theory are the key concepts. There is the mind, thought, self, “I”, looking glass self, and the Pygmalion effect.

When looking at the Symbolic Interaction theory we can relate this to the phenomena of why women go to the bathroom in pairs. Since this theory focuses on symbols and the interactions between people using these symbols, it is easy to see why it relates. The symbol would be the bathroom. Women know that when their friend has to go that they must follow, therefore this symbol has developed the interaction of this phenomena. Another aspect of this theory that is important to the understanding is the one and only assumption it makes. Since women have created the meaning for when their friend says they have to go to the bathroom, it motives their behavior to act a certain way towards that symbol which influences their self-concept. Since women have influenced and taught other women the idea of going to the bathroom in pairs, it proves that people and groups are influenced by culture and social processes. This phenomena shows women’s culture and social processes, which is an important aspect of this theory.

Using certain aspects of the three theories explained, a new theory about why women go to the bathroom in pairs has been developed. It is important to understand the connotative meaning behind the phrase “will you come to the bathroom with me?” This can only be understood between the two people involved in the interaction. Their connotative meaning is made by how they emotionally relate that phrase to their lives and is directly related to an assumption that information transactions depend on personal and interpersonal meaning. It can also be assumed that humans act towards others on the basis of the meaning those others have for them. Since women have attached a meaning to the phenomena, their personal, interpersonal, and connotative meaning, they have made it a symbol. This has allowed them to show that it is important to them. The last aspect to understanding this phenomena is the idea of disclosure. Disclosure is necessary because it allows these women to develop through the relationship steps. Due to disclose the women in the interaction become closer to one another which allows their relationship to grow and evolve. Each one of these aspects is needed for this phenomena to exist. If one of aspects is missing, then the theory behind why women go to the bathroom in pairs is not supported and therefore will not be true.

In accordance to the claims of this theory, it can be said that every women has a different connotative meaning about going to the bathroom with a pair. Since each person relates emotionally to things in different ways, they all react to things differently. Some women may associate going to the bathroom in pairs with being their norm while others may relate it to the fact they know their friend is going to give them a juicy secret. Another implication that can be made by this theory is that this phenomena has been taught as a young girl. From a young age children have always been taught to use the buddy system when going to the restroom in public places. As young girls grow into adults they still keep up with that tradition of the buddy system since it has been ingrained in their brains their whole lives. They become comfortable with the idea that every time they voice they have to use the restroom, their friend will come along with them whether they have to go or not. It can also be said that the symbol of the bathroom is important to women. For example, this is a place women feel comfortable sharing information with each other that they may not be able to share in front of a large group of people or the people that they are with. While they are in the bathroom in privacy they can get off their chest what they want to and do not have to worry about offending anyone. It is clear that women bond with one another over this symbol and attach much meaning to it.

In conclusion, the phenomena of why women go to bathroom in pairs can be explained through certain aspects of three different communication theories. These three communication theories are the Coordinated Management of Meaning theory (CMM), the Social Penetration theory, and lastly the Symbolic Interaction theory. Without one of the three theories above explained, the theory about why women use the bathroom in pairs would not be possible to understand and would not exist. Using key fundamentals of each of these theories, the phenomena at hand is able to be fully explained. Since each theory is equally as important as the next they are all needed to comprehend why women use the bathroom in pairs. Hopefully individuals who wonder about this phenomena will be able to understand why it exists today and will no longer question why it takes place.